THIS IS AN OMNIBUS OF THE FIRST FIFTEEN MR. SCIENCE ANSWERS. READ AND ENJOY.
THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR MR. SCIENCE!
QUESTION FROM DR. WHO?
ANSWER:
ESCALATORS ARE AN ENDANGERED SPECIES. THE POOR REPTILES ARE CONSTANTLY BEING STEPPED ON AND IGNORED. ONCE THEY GO INTO THE BASEMENT, AFTER THEY DISAPPEAR OUT THE TOP OR BOTTOM, MANY DIE. THE DEAD ESCALATORS THEN BECOME STAIRS, CONTRIBUTING TO THE UPRISE OF STAIRS AND THE FALL OF THE ESCALATOR POPULATION (NOT BECAUSE OF THE EXERCISE BOOM IN AMERICA, AS COMMONLY THOUGHT). IF WE DON'T WATCH OUT, ESCALATORS WILL JOIN THE RANKS OF THE CARRIER PIGEON AND THE DO DO BIRD. THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTION DR. WHO?.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM THE DATA DUDE:
ANSWER (FROM MR. SCIENCE):
ALWAYS EATING OR FIGHTING. SOMETIMES, THOUGH, THE DINOSAURS HAD TO PUSH LARGE PLANTS (OR ANIMALS) OUT OF THE WAY, SO THEY COULD MOVE ABOUT. BECAUSE OF A WARP IN THE SPACE-TIME WASH, THE PUSHING OF TREES AND BOULDERS ALSO PUSHES CARS OF TODAY. MANY SCIENTISTS (INCLUDING FORD PREFECT) ALSO BELEIVE THAT THIS IS WHAT ALLOWS SIX TIMES NINE TO EQUAL FOURTY-TWO. THANK YOU DATA DUDE.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM KEVEN O'NEIL:
ANSWER FORM MR. SCIENCE:
FROM THE BACTERIA INVOLVED IN THE CHEESE MAKING PROCESS. THIS GAS IS THEN TRAPPED IN THE CHEESE AS IT SOLIDIFIES. WHEN THE CHEESE IS TAKEN OFF THE SHELF IN A STORE, THE BACTERIA NOTICES THE CHANGE IN THE ENVIRONMENT OUTSIDE THE CHEESE-PACKAGE. IT THEN GETS READY FOR THE PERSON WHO IS EATING THE CHEESE TO BITE INTO IT. AS THE HOLE MAKES CONTACT WITH EITHER THE AIR OR THE MOUTH, IT SOLIDIFIES AND BECOMES CHEESE ITSELF. THIS PROCESS TAKES A FRACTION OF A SECOND, AND MOST PEOPLE CAN'T SEE IT HAPPEN, BUT IT DOES (THE CHESE FROM THE HOLE, USUALLY BECOMES PART OF THE ATMOSPHERE, AND GIVES THE MOON IT'S GREEN TINT). THANK YOU KEVEN O'NEIL.
QUESTION FROM KEVEN O'NEIL:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
MYTHOLOGY. I HAVE A MASTER'S DEGREE IN SCIENCE, AND SCIENCE ONLY. YOU MAY FEEL FREE TO ASK SCIENCE QUESTIONS, BUT PLEASE STICK TO THAT SUBJECT. SECOND, I DID THOUGH, RESEARCH THAT SUBJECT, AND HE WAS A BOXER WITH A GREAT RIGHT HOOK, EVEN BEFORE LOSING HIS HAND, HIS NAME WAS CAPTAIN HOOK. FROM NOW ON, PLEASE ASK ONLY SCIENCE QUESTIONS (UNTIL I GET A MYTHOLOGY DEGREE) THANK YOU KEVEN O'NEIL.
QUESTION FROM MR. FUGI:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
DOWN THE STREET. BECAUSE THE YNIVERSE IS NOT ONLY EXPANDING, BUT GROWING, THE UNIVERSE OF THE FUTURE WILL BE MUCH LARGER THAN TODAY'S UNIVERSE. IN A FEW THOUSAND YEARS, A GROUP OF PEOPLE WILL GO BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE THE EARTH WAS CREATED TO SEE IF THEY COULD ANSWER THE SAME QUESTION. ON OF THE EXPLORERS DROPPED A CRUMB OF HIS SANWITCH WHERE THE EARTH IS NOW. THIS , JUST A CRUMB TO HIM, WOULD HAVE BEEN THE SIZE OF THE EARTH. THAT CRUMB WAS THE ORIGINAL EARTH. THANK YOU MR. FUGI.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM MR. FUGI:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
(SWAM) UP TO THE NEAREST DOLPHIN AND ASKED HIM IF HE COULD TALK. HE DIDN'T ANSWER, SO I THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE ASLEEP, SO I NUDGED HIM AND ASKED HIM AGAIN. THE NEXT THING I KNEW, THERE WAS A LOUD WHISTLE COMING FROM THE DOLPHIN, WHO WAS THEN SORROUNDED BY DOGS. DOLPHINS DON'T TALK, THEY MAKE HIGH-PITCHED SOUNDS TO ATTRACT THIER MATES, DOGS. WHEN THE TWO MATE, THEY PRODUCE MANITEES. THANK YOU MR. FUGI.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM THE SHADOW:
IS CLOSED?
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
DESCRIBING THESE EVENTS WOULD EXCCED MY 25-LINE LINIT, BUT I WILL SUMMERIZE THEM. FIRST, THE FOODS BREATH ALL THE OXYGEN (1 SEC. TOTAL). THE PRESSURE OF A VACUUM INSIDE THE REFRIGERATOR CAUSES A SUCTION (THE SOUND WHENEVER YOU OPEN THE REFRIGERATOR IS CAUSED BY THIS) AFTER A FEW SMAALER EVENTS, THE LIGHT IS TURNED OFF BY THE LACK OF OXYGEN TO KEEP THE FLAME GOING. THANK YOU SHADOW.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM THE SHADOW:
POP?
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
LET ME FIND OUT: LICK, LICK, LICK, LICK, LICK, LICK, CRACK! IT TAKES SIX LICKS TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP. THANK YOU SHADOW.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM THE SHADOW:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
CALLED A TAIL. MOST DOGS LIKE TO SLEEP ALONE (OR WITH A FEMALE DOG). DOGS USUALLY SEE THIER TAIL ONLY RIGHT BEFORE THEY GO TO SLEEP. THEY CHASE THE TAIL, AROUND IN CIRCLES TO TRY TO GET RID OF THE 'OTHER PRESENCE' BEFORE THEY GO TO SLEEP. THANK YOU SHADOW.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM KEVIN WEISS:
BEST WAY OF STIMULATING IT?
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
THE DEPRESSION BETWEEN THE NOSE AND THE UPPER LIP. THIS DEPRESSION IS ALSO CALLED THE ISLET OF LANGERHAN. THIS IS WHERE INSULIN AND MOST OF THE DIGESTIVE ENZYMES ARE PRODUCED. THE BEST WAY TO STIMULATE THIS IS TO PLACE A SMALL SUGAR CUBE UPON THIS DEPRESSION UNTIL IT IS ABSORBED. THEN PUT HER FINGER ON THAT DEPRESSION, AND IT WILL HAVE BEEN STIMULATED. THANK YOU KEVIN WEISS.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM CAPTAIN VIDEO:
ANSWERS FROM MR. SCIENCE:
MANY FINGERS AND TOES THAY HAD). BY TODAY, THOUGH, WE CAN COUNT UP TO AMAZINGLY HIGH NUMBERS. WE STORE THESE NUMBERS ON SOMETHING CALLED A NUMBER LINE, BUT ALL THE POSITIVE NUMBERS WEIGH SO MUCH, THEY NEED SOMETHING TO COUNTERACT THE WEIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ZERO, NEGATIVE NUMBERS. WHEN THE NEGATIVE NUMBERS JOIN UP WITH THIER POSATIVE COUNTERPART, THEY GO TO A LAND CALLED ZERO. THANK YOU CAPTAIN VIDIO.
--MR. SCIENCE
TODAY'S QUESTION FROM EVAN ROTH:
MON. BEFORE MICHELOBE?
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
THOSE PRE-GUSTO DAYS,PEOPLE LAID ON THE FLOORS, JUST DIMLY SENSING A VAGUE UNHAPPINESS IN THEIR LIVES. SINCE MICHELOBE, OF COURSE, PLEASURE SEEKING AMERICANS HAVE HAD MORE GUSTO THAN WE KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH. A HAPPY SIDE-AFFECT OF THIS EXCESS OF GUSTO IS THE BLOSSOMING OF OUR TASTE BUDS. THE INGESTION OF MALT-BEVERAGES WILL SOON CAUSE OUR TASTE BUDS TO BEAR FRUIT. YES, WITHIN OUR LIFETIMES, OUR TASTE BUDS WILL WILL GROW INTO MOUTH FLOWERS, OR BEER-BLOSSOMS. ONCE OUR MOUTHS ARE FILLED WITH THESE BRIGHTLY COLORED AND FRAGRANT FLOWERS, WE WON'T NEED GUSTO ANYMORE. IT WILL BE A PERFECT HORTA-CULTURAL UTOPIA, THANKS TO SCIENTIFIC REASEARCH, AND BEER. THANK YOU EVAN ROTH.
QUESTION FROM THE BEAR:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
LET A=AGE OF WOOD CHUCK LET H=HEIGHT OF WOOD CHUCK LET W=WEIGHT OF WOOD CHUCK LET X=AMOUNT OF WOOD TOTAL LET P=PI LET Z=HOW MUCH WOOD THE WOOD CHUCK WOULD CHUCK
THE FORMULA IS:
Z=P(X+W)/H-(A*X)/283*P
THANK YOU BEAR.
QUESTION FROM RODDY PIPER:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
THE INCINERATOR, THEY ARE SEPARATED FROM THE REST OF THE TRASH. THE GLASS PARTS ARE CRUSHED UP AND COLORED TO RESEMBLE SAND. THE METAL PARTS ARE MELTED AND SHAPED INTO "TREASURES". THESE ARE THEN IMPORTED TO THE NEAREST HOTEL, WHERE THEY ARE PUT DOWN ON THE GROUND TO MAKE A BEACH WITH BURIED TREASURES, FOR THE MEATAL DETECTORS. THANK YOU RODDY PIPER.
--MR. SCIENCE
QUESTION FROM KEVIN O'NEIL:
ANSWER FROM MR. SCIENCE:
HOURS. I NOTICED THAT PORCUPINES DON'T REPRODUCE NORMALLY. INSTEAD OF SEX, THEY, LIKE MANY OTHER ADVANCED CIVILIZATIONS (SUCH AS WORMS), ARE ASEXUAL, MEANING THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE SEX IN THIS SPECIES. THEY ARE BEYOND HAVING ANY FEELING OF EITHER PAIN OR PLEASURE, SO THEY DON'T HAVE TO RAPE EACH OTHER FOR PLEASURE, INSTEAD, ALL THAT THEY HAVE TO DO IS TO ROLL UP INTO A TIGHT BALL, WITCH YOU SO FREQUENTLY SEE THEM DO. THANK YOU KEVIN O'NEIL.
--MR. SCIENCE
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